accounting.

was looking through my bank account (something that took all of 30 seconds), and while it's not quite the best load of stuff you ever will see (more likely to take the prize in the opposite category, actually), it's got it's own fair share of sentimentality.

how it's organised, and such. how do you organise your banked items? every screenshot of a bank account i see doesn't seem in the least bit messy. after this one incident, there came this period when i got somewhat neurotic about my bank account. neurotic because i'd insist on spending five minutes clicking and clicking and clicking, in the days when i hadn't yet discovered the purpose of the insert button (not so long ago, really. something like two months. whoops.) and in moving something from place 30 to place 1, would have to go through all that 30 to 29. 29 to 28. 28 to...

habit never quite died. or perhaps it's just been tidy enough ever since that first sweep, thorough as it was. enough talking, anyway. on to the screenshot. the cut, pasted, edited, circled, low-quality screenshot.

sheesh. the quality's worse than i thought. but then again, i've only got this much space in my thumbdrive.

the bank account's become more of a closet, really. i just can't bear to throw those random event clothes out. zombie outfit was my first, by far. camo and leaderhosen took their time in coming, and it does seem such a pity, really. especially since i've traded them for default clothes, seeing as any hat makes you look bald, instead.

the screenshot's there, and there's organisation explained. the insert's things i carry on my person pretty much all the time. out of necessity more than anything. sentimental things (they're pixels, but sentiment kinda defies logic too, doesn't it?) you just don't bring everywhere with you.

on properly to sentimental things; they're the ones ringed in red. (the swap button too, yes. countless wasted clicks...) story behind every item, you might say, but the sentimental things have longer stories than most... (don't worry, i'm not about the go into all that. would bore me almost as much as it'll bore you.)

• the earth staff - my first staff. (replaced by the fire staff/skull sceptre, but whatever.)
• toy horise - from the days of 'ooh there's a toy horsie. wonder what it does...' and '150gp?? no thanks.' and 'w00t 150 gp to splurge... what shall i splurge it on...'
• tiara mould - my first tiara mould. a tiara mould costs 100gp?? *eyes bug out* now i just have to bank this... *clutches tiara mould tight and shuffles off to the nearest bank. walking in the wrong direction, of course.*
• chisel - my first chisel. wub.

things circled white would be things made and bought to be given away. a mith axe for anyone who genuinely needs help (those who genuinely need help usually appreciate a mith axe, anyway. to the rest, really, what makes you think i can afford anything else?)

a power ammy's a gift that's not too tacky, like the mith axe, and not exactly amazingly expensive, either. sure, it cuts you back 8k or so (never was a good enough merchant to find people selling it for any less) but it's worth it. in that the people are worth it. no, everyone's worth more than that. um. the encouragement (hopefully) it gives the person is worth it. or. i don't know what i'm saying, it's just worth it. the first example that comes to mind... it was varrock main bank, a crowded enough world. i wasn't about to open my mouth. but everyone else was intent on all that flashing, so...

player a: i was hacked i need free stuff.
player a: i was hacked i need free stuff.
player a: i was hacked gimme free stuff.
player b: i was hacked too, but you don't see me going around begging.

maybe it doesn't seem altogether spectacular a thing, but it was, to me. people just let it go on, around them, and it just fades into something like background noise. that attitude just seemed encouraging, somehow. even though the phrasing might've been a little antagonistic.

that's what power ammys are for.

i don't know if it makes a difference, but that brings me to events like today's. sometimes these things that touch you, they happen when you least expect it.

i've already ranted my share in an earlier post (so much earlier that it's slightly strange, reading it now), but now that i've progressed onto addy, it just gets worse. there're so few addy rocks around that some people just can't seem to bear to avoid competing for ores. (that's just the downside though. world hopping's more successful than ever with these ores.) usually i just leave it be, not least of all because my smithing's lagging a good 11 levels behind mining, and i only mine addy for the joy of it. (like wow, i mined addy? wow. kinda feeling.)

today's no different. there are two addy rocks that've timely respawned. a guy in full sara takes one, i take the other. he's done with it, and he moves on to my rock. as i shove off i tell myself i should've been desentised to this long ago, and head towards the mining guild.

i start mining the two rocks nearest the door. by this time, i've focused on the article response i'm meant to be doing, and that little incident has, as all of them are wont to do, become a non-issue.

until the blue text of "free add yon the grounf" interrupts those lines of black. he's standing right outside the door.

i take some time to figure out what he did say. and

i don't know what to say. i don't say anything.

he logs.

i add him to my friends list, and he's commenced world hopping. i still don't know what to say.

i wonder if it would be right to pm him. tell him thank you, thank you kindly.

by the time i've decided, he really has logged.

i don't pick the addy up, but thank you. thank you kindly.

a regular day on pm, 92 point 5.

started playing again, after i got back last night, and because that just happens to be peak hour for america, on average i end up holding five conversations simultaneously. of course, none of them are friends. my real friends know by now when to leave well alone.

people are just so different. i don't believe it. i don't know what to believe. last night's five was a case in point.

(and this is excluding the normal, quite unanswerable pms like "!! guthix brings you balance!!", "wanna buy full zammy?", "u sed u wanted to be my gf!", "tell everyone to join zezima's chat!" etc.)

1. at fally bank, a guy's hankering after a single law rune. presumably for varrock tele or something, and i oblige. i give it to him free, and that part, maybe it was a mistake. "1 more. 1 more. 1 more." spams the chat screen. i leave the bank. he promptly 1-more'd me through pm. we discuss the merits of plain hard work, and the satisfaction it gives you.

once he's dealt with, i make the mistake of giving another guy mith ores. "more. weps and armour." he weps-and-armour's me via pm when i leave. i don't know where he got the idea that someone who hasn't consciously trained anything remotely melee-related for six months should be lugging mith and addy weapons and armour done to the mining pits. regardless. we discuss the merits of plain hard work, and the satisfaction it gives you.

it's vicious in its predictability.

2. a guy's been lobbying "f2p should get more quests and items!" again in fally. "follow me if you think f2p should get more quests and items!" it's not an extremely crowded world, all things considered, he doesn't attract very much attention, and thereafter resorts to (horror of horrors) pming innocent bystanders. we debate the fairness of jagex's decisions.

i don't see why people won't just play, and be grateful that they get so much for absolutely nothing. he's apparently been playing since rsc came out. it's rather futile, and we both realise it. we promptly move on to other things.

pking's hardly more edifying.

3. someone pms me from out of the blue (not that that's altogether unexpected) and asks what a whetstone is. i point out the search function, and promptly click search for him.

apparently it's a place where you sharpen rusty swords.

4. someone i'm positive has been hounding me ever since she discovered the fact of my existence strikes again. it's the same type of question every time. she starts off this time with "can u like, tell jagex to put me a mod!" as a prelude to whether it's "good" to help someone with a quest, whether it's "good" to report someone attempting to account trade, whether it's "good"... her definition of "good" being whether it'll get her mod status fast enough.

i'm still leery after the last encounter with the guy who initiated the let's toggle the pm settings! game. but this time i just can't help but tell her my views, incorporating all that about position, how to properly earn respect, right and wrong... she simmers. the moment i even mention "ignore list" she goes ballistic.

"ur mean! you're reported!!"

and to think, just the other day she was so surprised when i told her about the number of people who've reported me. was trying to say that reports don't mean a thing unless they're valid. i remind her of as much.

a silence, then she goes back to it again. "who r the people wit gold crowns?" only a matter of time before she gets back to the same form of asking.

i feel like screaming. (and if i did, one room over they'd be speculating tomorrow who presumably spent the night here.) i just log. it's easier to shoot yourself in the mouth than reason with people, it seems, sometimes.

i log in later to be faced with "yh do i always have to say hi y cant u do it]" i wonder if it's too cruel to tell her i delete her from my friends list everytime we're done conversing in hopes that we'll never have to again. initiate a conversation with her? is she crazy?

i stick with "i'm sorry, sometimes i need to clear my friends list when it gets too full, and..." then promptly initiate a conversation with her next i log in.

give me strength.

5. it seems someone really is listening. a person with a vaguely familiar username pms me. somehow we get onto the topic of family. we bond over standing around attracting randoms and talking about deaths of loved ones. he starts off, and in between i mention my friend.

we cover how unfair the world seems, how cruel things can be, grief, regret, time, meaning, religion, missing someone.

saying this almost seems like intruding on privacy. we talk about where we live.

it becomes a mundane conversation, and that's precisely what keeps me when faced with pms from the other four. it's coversations like these that remind me why i don't choose to keep private chat on friends.

four in five of every other person you talk to you won't particularly want to continue the conversation with, but that doesn't mean the latter kind of person doesn't exist.

you don't need to trust me.

this is hope.

and this is what it's like to be humbled.

a guy goes "follow to win 10k", in the usual fashion. a low-leveled player, standing in the middle of lumby. not many pay him any mind, just two obviously inexperienced, and one slightly more savvy player. i tag along, hoping to catch him in the act.

"trade to win" isn't exactly incriminating. i wait. the first guy doesn't understand, he keeps asking questions. by now the third guy's left. he explains "trade. whoever's got the best items wins." after a few long rounds of deciding and stating who's leading, i trade him. i put up a power ammy, an addy pick. stuff i just happened to have in my inventory. apparently, after that, i'm leading...

it goes on. it's incredibly boring. the lure of more money than they've probably ever touched is what keeps them here.

he brushes off the second girl with "it's a tie. between..."

i trade him for the last time, apparently "you have to beat my items to win", which i do, only to decline the trade and talk about how trust games're such awful things.

so he obviously chooses the first guy, with whom i've been having a conversation about the evils of item scamming via pm the whole time. and over pm i get "he's for real."

it's excruciatingly embarrassing, and i do believe i made a larger fool of myself there than any other time in that capacity. still, it's too ever so heartening.

i explain myself, and apologise simply, "i'm sorry." he replies with "np" and i go on to talk about phrasing his alturistic intentions less suspiciously. he's patient, almost condescending in his monosyllabic placating, and i can't say i can blame him at all. either of them, really, the first guy takes a leaf out of his book and responds in pretty much the same manner "np", "same here lol", and after the demise of our awkwardly brief exchange, "you're nice." hey, he even uses "great", and "i can see why..." i apologise to him, too.

i refuse to wonder if he delivered only because i spoke too early. it'd do him no credit, it'll be like, crying sour grapes.

besides, i like to think that he just did it, out of the goodness of his heart.

like i said, that's hope.