fluidity sucks, sometimes.

strangely enough, i expected things to just stay still. if life's supposed to be like running water, time and tide and all those cliched overused metaphors, i guess it's almost reasonable to assume runescape's going to be one of those things that's not like that. as if, i can leave it alone for a few weeks, months, and every time i log in out of habit in those times in between, i'll just pick up the loose ends and play on. an attitude that extends to this blog.

except there isn't really anything like that, is there, that stands still for you. it's like going back to a book and realising you wouldn't have finished reading it now, but you did then, and for that you're grateful.

except every time i'm about to blog about something trivial while doing something repetitive, i realise there's so much i need to catch up with. f2p last year seemed so starved of updates in comparison. unless it's just about the amount of time spent playing. there's this sense that there's no point saying anything unless you know enough, especially since i'm not used to not knowing about anything f2p. after all, there's precious little to know. there's things like summoning, which has nothing to do with me but which i simply would like to have some idea of. and little little changes, in lieu of everything else - a stronghold of something else, some gnome setup cum advertising gimmick, perhaps. ge database, new combat minigame. oh yeah, and the new graphics.

all things i don't actually know anything about. pfft. and i do find i can't actually be bothered to find out. it builds up into this massive backlog reminiscent of secondary school two-subject-credits maths, massive by my standards, anyhow, so i can't actually really be bothered with runescape. much. it doesn't help that it's not easy to throw away something i've put so much time into, even if it's only pixels. i can't seem to make a clear cut decision, because 'i quit' implies i wasted the past two years or so, and not quitting seems hypocritical. lacks closure, and fading out of existence is cowardly and annoying.

real life helps a lot. mainly because real life is slightly screwed. slightly in context of everything else. today's mother's day, today's the global day of prayer. there was a cyclone in myanmar. another term's ending. everything seems massively out of context, and none more so than rs.

it would be nice if rs could sit still and just be a game. simple game. brainless, not time consuming. not fluid. except (most) simple games don't have blogs written about them, or articles, or sites dedicated to their dissection. ergo i wouldn't be surprised if this is my last post, even though i didn't plan for it to be, but like i said, lack of closure annoys me, and i need a pseudo last post for peace of mind, if nothing else. the way i didn't mean for the last february post to be left hanging so long, but it just, y'know, did.

anyway, all i meant to say, before this turned into a rambling mess, was that it's irritatingly ironic that fluidity, the one thing i needed to keep me tied to the game this time last year, is the one thing that's pushing me away from it now. lack of fluidity (in f2p at least) pushed me to start this blog, to convince myself that there's something more to a game than changeability, that boredom's a conquerable enemy, and i'm bigger than monotony.

turns out - turns out i'm my own worst enemy. so thanks for dropping by, and for everything else past, because it being past doesn't wish it out of existence. and i'd also like to apologise for unfufilled expectations, up to and including unkept promises, unfinished sentences.

this seems easy, too easy. almost like it isn't fair, because real life issues never could be this easily... disposed of. (and i just now realised maybe fluidity isn't the most apt of words, but what they hey, last few sentences.) but then, in all it's ambiguity, that's what fluidity essentially is, hein?