strangely enough, i expected things to just stay still. if life's supposed to be like running water, time and tide and all those cliched overused metaphors, i guess it's almost reasonable to assume runescape's going to be one of those things that's not like that. as if, i can leave it alone for a few weeks, months, and every time i log in out of habit in those times in between, i'll just pick up the loose ends and play on. an attitude that extends to this blog.
except there isn't really anything like that, is there, that stands still for you. it's like going back to a book and realising you wouldn't have finished reading it now, but you did then, and for that you're grateful.
except every time i'm about to blog about something trivial while doing something repetitive, i realise there's so much i need to catch up with. f2p last year seemed so starved of updates in comparison. unless it's just about the amount of time spent playing. there's this sense that there's no point saying anything unless you know enough, especially since i'm not used to not knowing about anything f2p. after all, there's precious little to know. there's things like summoning, which has nothing to do with me but which i simply would like to have some idea of. and little little changes, in lieu of everything else - a stronghold of something else, some gnome setup cum advertising gimmick, perhaps. ge database, new combat minigame. oh yeah, and the new graphics.
all things i don't actually know anything about. pfft. and i do find i can't actually be bothered to find out. it builds up into this massive backlog reminiscent of secondary school two-subject-credits maths, massive by my standards, anyhow, so i can't actually really be bothered with runescape. much. it doesn't help that it's not easy to throw away something i've put so much time into, even if it's only pixels. i can't seem to make a clear cut decision, because 'i quit' implies i wasted the past two years or so, and not quitting seems hypocritical. lacks closure, and fading out of existence is cowardly and annoying.
real life helps a lot. mainly because real life is slightly screwed. slightly in context of everything else. today's mother's day, today's the global day of prayer. there was a cyclone in myanmar. another term's ending. everything seems massively out of context, and none more so than rs.
it would be nice if rs could sit still and just be a game. simple game. brainless, not time consuming. not fluid. except (most) simple games don't have blogs written about them, or articles, or sites dedicated to their dissection. ergo i wouldn't be surprised if this is my last post, even though i didn't plan for it to be, but like i said, lack of closure annoys me, and i need a pseudo last post for peace of mind, if nothing else. the way i didn't mean for the last february post to be left hanging so long, but it just, y'know, did.
anyway, all i meant to say, before this turned into a rambling mess, was that it's irritatingly ironic that fluidity, the one thing i needed to keep me tied to the game this time last year, is the one thing that's pushing me away from it now. lack of fluidity (in f2p at least) pushed me to start this blog, to convince myself that there's something more to a game than changeability, that boredom's a conquerable enemy, and i'm bigger than monotony.
turns out - turns out i'm my own worst enemy. so thanks for dropping by, and for everything else past, because it being past doesn't wish it out of existence. and i'd also like to apologise for unfufilled expectations, up to and including unkept promises, unfinished sentences.
this seems easy, too easy. almost like it isn't fair, because real life issues never could be this easily... disposed of. (and i just now realised maybe fluidity isn't the most apt of words, but what they hey, last few sentences.) but then, in all it's ambiguity, that's what fluidity essentially is, hein?
Sunday 11 May 2008
Saturday 2 February 2008
a-llusionary.
in today's news, i have worked out a strategy, slightly belated though it may be. henceforth my (new) skiller shall carry for a weapon a bow that is the definition of non-confrontational. a curved stick makes for a bloody useless weapon if "there is no ammo [left] in your quiver." i get offers of arrows from kind donors and not so kind 'the noob is economically ignorant' wannabe merchants, but that by far beats accidentally clicking on barbarians and farmer fred's rams for a one way, express trip to lumby, the castle of.
i am ignoring my main.
said skiller has also commenced the morbid task of part time bone collecting, which has proved to be a surprisingly profitable enterprise. market rates are at a high of 77gp, and with minimal initial capital (a subject that needs burying, a random player's cb xp), all contributed by various generous investors, even a causal run yields 100% profit. after scounting locations, the research assistants would like to report that the goblins in front of the al kharid toll gate, the cow field just north of there, and lumby courtyard on a busy world are prime sites for activities. the only observed downside is that of contributors not receiving due dividends, but unless you're a goblin, chicken or a cow, the company shall endeavour not to pick up and sell your bones. the upper management concludes that this is a time-consuming but surefire money making method for the impoverished skiller, and therefore has decided to discontinue bone collecting for the indefinite future.
dogbert says dance like it hurts, love like you need money, work when people are watching.
i haven't seen non sequitur in the longest time.
i am ignoring my main.
said skiller has also commenced the morbid task of part time bone collecting, which has proved to be a surprisingly profitable enterprise. market rates are at a high of 77gp, and with minimal initial capital (a subject that needs burying, a random player's cb xp), all contributed by various generous investors, even a causal run yields 100% profit. after scounting locations, the research assistants would like to report that the goblins in front of the al kharid toll gate, the cow field just north of there, and lumby courtyard on a busy world are prime sites for activities. the only observed downside is that of contributors not receiving due dividends, but unless you're a goblin, chicken or a cow, the company shall endeavour not to pick up and sell your bones. the upper management concludes that this is a time-consuming but surefire money making method for the impoverished skiller, and therefore has decided to discontinue bone collecting for the indefinite future.
dogbert says dance like it hurts, love like you need money, work when people are watching.
i haven't seen non sequitur in the longest time.
Friday 1 February 2008
shove off, saradomin - when runescape meets religion. rl religion.
don't actually come across this very often, but still. it's so messy.
an erstwhile nameless player makes his way through the packed lumby courtyard of a world just full enough that you'd need to refresh the page a few times at least before you got in. he walks up the steps, stops, and starts speaking. above the din of the gathered crowd, you hear "Jesus loves you!" he manages a few more lines unmolested. then he starts damning people to hell.
and that's where the trouble starts.
he's attracted a few 'you're so right's and about thrice that number of dissentors. every comment's pure flame bait, and for some reason people can't just ignore him and go on with their account selling and cybering. as they perhaps would an ad bot. then again, he's a mid leveled account with enough typos to be a real person. the difference is he just ploughs on, regardless of any and every legitimate debateable point people throw at him. he's not an ad bot, but he might as well be one, but because he isn't one, people can't just leave him alone and treat him like one, like a little blip on the radar you annihilate by clicking 'add ignore'.
it's not strictly muteable, it's almost reportable, but there isn't exactly a rule of the thumb for this sorta thing, no? it'd be intolerant if there was. so forget the report bit, for now.
joining in the fray isn't absolutely out of the question, but how dyou join in without being perceived as taking a side by the overly sensitive?
in the end, pm seems the best option. results in a short conversation, briefer explanation, abrupt logging out, and relocation to a considerably less populated lumby where he actually has what almost resembles a theological discussion with the only spectator. i got lucky.
but even so, it's volatile, and it's messy. so so messy.
i'm not against religious discussions, it's a topic you just have to broach if you've got a friend who can make intelligent conversation, but preaching's another thing altogether. in a way, i've no idea why he does it. was all about intimidation, threatening people with 'if you don't listen to me you'll go to hell' over and over. and i just got this sense, it's all he knew to say. either he's a child who hasn't a clear enough grasp of what he wants/ought to do, or he's got too poor a grasp of the language to know how to say anything more.
not that the exclamation marks and random capital letters helped any. or the name either. watching u *number* doesn't exactly inspire trust, or confidence.
and it's sweet of him to believe so strongly in what he does, but it's simply a flawed way of going about it. intimidation usually spawns defiance, forcing opinions and judgment on people isn't the same as persuading and debating with them. acting as if the other party doesn't exist by having what's in essence a one-sided conversation's just going to annoy. going to do more harm than good.
further complicated by the fact that i agree with him. more or less, on the salient points. salient points that nonetheless aren't half the picture, aren't telling it all. discussion goes round in circles, but because we're christian too, there's this pervading element of guilt. as if you're silencing something that matters.
not exactly the best of situations to be in.
there was this point raised about religion not belonging in runescape. about real life, the problems of real life not belonging in a game. not an argument that really works, considering that religion's a lifestyle, and for some of us, runescape isn't so much a game as a medium for communication, such controversy being a defensive measure against that 'i can't remember what happened eight minutes ago' syndrome. even if it isn't, it does seem pretty stupid to compartmentalise your life that way.
so religion crops up often enough, and when it does, i'm-a-guthix-worshipper type humour seems to be more of a cop out. is why i'm more wary about using it, but more to the point, i don't actually care for any of the rs gods. or demigods. or in between entities.
on an almost related note, i don't know why, but i always had this impression that christianity's a more common religion in western countries. uk, usa, europe, generally. as if all the catholic/protestant conflicts and declaration of independance automatically renders christianity the majority religion. then i go into a game that seems to have an even smaller percentage of christians than statistics say about real life. puts you vaguely off balance.
but then again, that's what arguments do.
an erstwhile nameless player makes his way through the packed lumby courtyard of a world just full enough that you'd need to refresh the page a few times at least before you got in. he walks up the steps, stops, and starts speaking. above the din of the gathered crowd, you hear "Jesus loves you!" he manages a few more lines unmolested. then he starts damning people to hell.
and that's where the trouble starts.
he's attracted a few 'you're so right's and about thrice that number of dissentors. every comment's pure flame bait, and for some reason people can't just ignore him and go on with their account selling and cybering. as they perhaps would an ad bot. then again, he's a mid leveled account with enough typos to be a real person. the difference is he just ploughs on, regardless of any and every legitimate debateable point people throw at him. he's not an ad bot, but he might as well be one, but because he isn't one, people can't just leave him alone and treat him like one, like a little blip on the radar you annihilate by clicking 'add ignore'.
it's not strictly muteable, it's almost reportable, but there isn't exactly a rule of the thumb for this sorta thing, no? it'd be intolerant if there was. so forget the report bit, for now.
joining in the fray isn't absolutely out of the question, but how dyou join in without being perceived as taking a side by the overly sensitive?
in the end, pm seems the best option. results in a short conversation, briefer explanation, abrupt logging out, and relocation to a considerably less populated lumby where he actually has what almost resembles a theological discussion with the only spectator. i got lucky.
but even so, it's volatile, and it's messy. so so messy.
i'm not against religious discussions, it's a topic you just have to broach if you've got a friend who can make intelligent conversation, but preaching's another thing altogether. in a way, i've no idea why he does it. was all about intimidation, threatening people with 'if you don't listen to me you'll go to hell' over and over. and i just got this sense, it's all he knew to say. either he's a child who hasn't a clear enough grasp of what he wants/ought to do, or he's got too poor a grasp of the language to know how to say anything more.
not that the exclamation marks and random capital letters helped any. or the name either. watching u *number* doesn't exactly inspire trust, or confidence.
and it's sweet of him to believe so strongly in what he does, but it's simply a flawed way of going about it. intimidation usually spawns defiance, forcing opinions and judgment on people isn't the same as persuading and debating with them. acting as if the other party doesn't exist by having what's in essence a one-sided conversation's just going to annoy. going to do more harm than good.
further complicated by the fact that i agree with him. more or less, on the salient points. salient points that nonetheless aren't half the picture, aren't telling it all. discussion goes round in circles, but because we're christian too, there's this pervading element of guilt. as if you're silencing something that matters.
not exactly the best of situations to be in.
there was this point raised about religion not belonging in runescape. about real life, the problems of real life not belonging in a game. not an argument that really works, considering that religion's a lifestyle, and for some of us, runescape isn't so much a game as a medium for communication, such controversy being a defensive measure against that 'i can't remember what happened eight minutes ago' syndrome. even if it isn't, it does seem pretty stupid to compartmentalise your life that way.
so religion crops up often enough, and when it does, i'm-a-guthix-worshipper type humour seems to be more of a cop out. is why i'm more wary about using it, but more to the point, i don't actually care for any of the rs gods. or demigods. or in between entities.
on an almost related note, i don't know why, but i always had this impression that christianity's a more common religion in western countries. uk, usa, europe, generally. as if all the catholic/protestant conflicts and declaration of independance automatically renders christianity the majority religion. then i go into a game that seems to have an even smaller percentage of christians than statistics say about real life. puts you vaguely off balance.
but then again, that's what arguments do.
Tuesday 22 January 2008
leading up to quitting.
hmm. haven't blogged in the longest time, or it seems that way. somehow i didn't quite expect runescape to change very much. not that i expected the game to remain stagnant while i was away, but (and especially after the wildy fiasco and all) i honestly didn't see what was coming.
and by that i don't mean summoning.
then again, i've transferred all that incoherent stuff to the previous post, so this is more... real. more solid, in case you find reading posts like my previous one nauseating and downright infuriating. grasping for straws you know you don't have. i know i would. hence the editing.
in short. i quit. i've resigned modship, and i won't in all likelihood be playing rs very much in the future. distant or otherwise.
take note? i'm only doing and saying it now because of recent developments. emphasis on the recent developments. or what you shall read would've remained there, not even articulated as thoughts.
looking back it's as if everything these past few months lead up to quitting. this post is for telling it as it is, putting down my thoughts as of november last year, before events responded to in the previous post. saying things you will likely understand, instead of be flummoxed by. so this mayn't seem reason enough to you, but when viewed in the context of aforementioned developments, to me, it is.
i accidentally trained mage on my skiller and raised the combat level i was so dedicated to keeping. i reached 777 total level on my main, a nice milestone of a number, by my standards. (academic) results weren't catastrophically bad, but still worse than they've ever been since secondary school.
plus i've been trying to keep off rs during weekdays for the last few months. and failing miserably at it.
i wouldn't have been able to quit if i'd tried. and that thought existed, but i wouldn't have considered just not playing if i hadn't been persuaded in a way only jagex could. and since they took the first step, i've been thinking.
if i want to go to grad school, i'll need a scholarship. i won't survive (and won't be allowed to stay) on a more or less minor scholarship like the one i'm on now. which i'm not actually in danger of losing, but it's not as if i wouldn't like to do marginally better. and while rs isn't exactly dragging me down, it's not helping much either.
so jagex offers a way out that leaves hardly any chance of me ever coming back to rs again once i've decided to leave it alone. y'see, f2p's an intensely boring place, and i didn't and don't become a member for fear of being even more addicted than i already am, which is already scaring me. i don't define myself as a mod, but that's the only thing that keeps me playing. i would be enormously relieved and a bit less stressed if i were not, but i would've quit sometime in april last year if i hadn't been modded.
conclusion: the best way to ensure i stay away is to be voluntarily demodded.
nothing new, that theory. but i've been running away from that action for almost half a year. as i write this, i'm trying to convince myself.
it's as if, you pour one to four years of your life into something, for me there was english, track, writing, skating, fanfic, and in a really different way, runescape. only lasting loves/obsessions - God, my religion. then in a sense, english, learning it, speaking it, getting to the point when i'm completely comfortable thinking and functioning in the language; and skating, because it's one of those things i can honestly say i'm passionate about.
other side, it's really sad when you put so much into something, and find you don't actually actively like it anymore, but you're just stuck with it. like track. and in a way, runescape. at the start it was addiction-stuck. then there's the queue mentality, after a while i didn't think about levels because past a point, consciously deciding to level in f2p is suicide, but i didn't want to let go. still don't wanna.
but i think, have been thinking i need to, and now i find i can. it's almost liberating.
this blog still lives for the time being, and i was thinking of letting it die when it does. because i may in name have said i quit, but it'll take longer to pull away, especially from my new skiller (complete waste). and i'll be blogging for some time yet. in the meantime, toodles. a two day break isn't long enough for two plane flights. happy lunar new year.
and by that i don't mean summoning.
then again, i've transferred all that incoherent stuff to the previous post, so this is more... real. more solid, in case you find reading posts like my previous one nauseating and downright infuriating. grasping for straws you know you don't have. i know i would. hence the editing.
in short. i quit. i've resigned modship, and i won't in all likelihood be playing rs very much in the future. distant or otherwise.
take note? i'm only doing and saying it now because of recent developments. emphasis on the recent developments. or what you shall read would've remained there, not even articulated as thoughts.
looking back it's as if everything these past few months lead up to quitting. this post is for telling it as it is, putting down my thoughts as of november last year, before events responded to in the previous post. saying things you will likely understand, instead of be flummoxed by. so this mayn't seem reason enough to you, but when viewed in the context of aforementioned developments, to me, it is.
i accidentally trained mage on my skiller and raised the combat level i was so dedicated to keeping. i reached 777 total level on my main, a nice milestone of a number, by my standards. (academic) results weren't catastrophically bad, but still worse than they've ever been since secondary school.
plus i've been trying to keep off rs during weekdays for the last few months. and failing miserably at it.
i wouldn't have been able to quit if i'd tried. and that thought existed, but i wouldn't have considered just not playing if i hadn't been persuaded in a way only jagex could. and since they took the first step, i've been thinking.
if i want to go to grad school, i'll need a scholarship. i won't survive (and won't be allowed to stay) on a more or less minor scholarship like the one i'm on now. which i'm not actually in danger of losing, but it's not as if i wouldn't like to do marginally better. and while rs isn't exactly dragging me down, it's not helping much either.
so jagex offers a way out that leaves hardly any chance of me ever coming back to rs again once i've decided to leave it alone. y'see, f2p's an intensely boring place, and i didn't and don't become a member for fear of being even more addicted than i already am, which is already scaring me. i don't define myself as a mod, but that's the only thing that keeps me playing. i would be enormously relieved and a bit less stressed if i were not, but i would've quit sometime in april last year if i hadn't been modded.
conclusion: the best way to ensure i stay away is to be voluntarily demodded.
nothing new, that theory. but i've been running away from that action for almost half a year. as i write this, i'm trying to convince myself.
it's as if, you pour one to four years of your life into something, for me there was english, track, writing, skating, fanfic, and in a really different way, runescape. only lasting loves/obsessions - God, my religion. then in a sense, english, learning it, speaking it, getting to the point when i'm completely comfortable thinking and functioning in the language; and skating, because it's one of those things i can honestly say i'm passionate about.
other side, it's really sad when you put so much into something, and find you don't actually actively like it anymore, but you're just stuck with it. like track. and in a way, runescape. at the start it was addiction-stuck. then there's the queue mentality, after a while i didn't think about levels because past a point, consciously deciding to level in f2p is suicide, but i didn't want to let go. still don't wanna.
but i think, have been thinking i need to, and now i find i can. it's almost liberating.
this blog still lives for the time being, and i was thinking of letting it die when it does. because i may in name have said i quit, but it'll take longer to pull away, especially from my new skiller (complete waste). and i'll be blogging for some time yet. in the meantime, toodles. a two day break isn't long enough for two plane flights. happy lunar new year.
just for me to sort things out.
EDIT:
i logged in last week to find myself with one foot out of the door, and apparently put there by jagex. following a conversation i'm very glad i had when i did, i decided to move the other foot, too.
road to hell is paved with good intentions, that lead to things like overkill. and purely accidental betrayal of trust.
end of story.
- because i'm sorry, really i am, but i'm lousy with euphermisms, and i make for a sucky diplomat, and that's the best way i can say things.
quote of the week. "always tell the truth. that way you don't have to remember what you said."
i logged in last week to find myself with one foot out of the door, and apparently put there by jagex. following a conversation i'm very glad i had when i did, i decided to move the other foot, too.
road to hell is paved with good intentions, that lead to things like overkill. and purely accidental betrayal of trust.
end of story.
- because i'm sorry, really i am, but i'm lousy with euphermisms, and i make for a sucky diplomat, and that's the best way i can say things.
quote of the week. "always tell the truth. that way you don't have to remember what you said."
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