procrastinating: blogically, topically...

the spate of frequent blog posts ends in a day.

i'm a born procrastinator. revise that, i'm not being altogether fair. to parents and genes and such. i'm worse of a procrastinator than i should be, and ever should have been. was 11 last time i remember turning in all my work on time.

anyway. it's nearly 1am on a saturday night and i've got a paper due tuesday. a quiz on monday. an exam on tuesday. that doesn't count for much, but still matters because the teachers are great. plus the other loose ends you pick up and promise to amend but never get around to doing. i'm still trying to persuade myself to S-T-A-R-T ALREADY.

so much for that theory.

i'm going to ramble because the things i do want to blog about, i've got all the points, but it's going to end up a jumbled mess like my last post about macros. as in, i'll forget about it when i forget what i was going to say, and fall asleep with the laptop on, then wake up at the wrong time, go back to what i was doing, and add in the actual point of the whole rant in an edit.

that's what happens for all my exceptionally long and rambling posts. that doesn't matter so much as the fact that the same's true of the assignments i fall asleep doing.

point is, i've been planning to try, at least, to come up with something for rs haven. not as easy as it looks. i'm still trying to decide on what topic. and this time, i realise i'll have to organise it properly. and type it out in word, so those random capitalisations don't escape me. when i think about it though, which would be times like in the bus and such, i realise another thing. whatever i say just wouldn't quite fit.

i can't go out and give a sweeping statement like 'help sites do more harm than good' which was what i came up with in my last comment. 'down with stats' is what i would've said next, but that doesn't work either. it's not logical, i just like to think that way. not everything need be logical. but all that's another few posts for another few days.

trying to stay on track is ever so hard. please don't read this if you even got this far, it's not worth your time. that's why i blog. thoughts aren't worth the paper they're written on, but it seems worth the electricity. so i try not to think about the electricity.

whatever i end up saying, i don't blog for people to hear me. i blog because it's easier to type than write. because if i wasn't under the impression that people read this, i wouldn't have the self-control to do it. because i don't believe a diary's worth anything unless people're going to read it, and i want some stranger poking into my life as much as i want my friends and family digging a diary out. or a blog, for that matter.

BACK TO THE POINT. can't believe how easy it is to sidetrack. considered writing about why people play. as in, the it's an escape from reality, it builds up your people skills and tolerance level aspect of it. not the it's a browser based game and it's free aspect, which's been covered in other articles with excellent stats and info. the thing is, it becomes altogether too personal. i tried looking for the post i wrote about why i play, and it seems to have disappeared, but i ended up telling random people much more about myself than i should have.

people don't read personal, or people looking to read articles don't read personal.

when i email people or message them i end up looking one of three things. myself, whatever that is. a suck up. or a total asshole. i'd say arrogant asshole, but i suppose arrogant's incorporated into that word.

which doesn't suck as much as it feels like it should, but does pose a number of problems, because either way i don't give a damn. latter two categories fit under the first, after all.

i think i'm being too honest. or at least, saying what i shouldn't be saying. there are some things i wish i could say on rs. to people, that is. it's got nothing to do with the censor, i don't usually swear too much. this case being more unique than anything else. it's not so much the it isn't very nice to tarnish the name of all mods thing that gets to me either. it's the fact that i just can't tell people i don't want anything to do with them simply because it wouldn't be right to.

i almost hate my blog sometimes, because it's the only place i can be so brutally honest. everywhere i find myself, even if it's only in rs, i manage to convince myself not to. sometimes i fail, but it never comes out as bad as it does on my blogs.

then again, i should clear out of blogger NOW. and get to work. proper work, without blogger open on the side. or rs, either.

this is terrible.

oh, and ignore this post please.