leading up to quitting.

hmm. haven't blogged in the longest time, or it seems that way. somehow i didn't quite expect runescape to change very much. not that i expected the game to remain stagnant while i was away, but (and especially after the wildy fiasco and all) i honestly didn't see what was coming.

and by that i don't mean summoning.

then again, i've transferred all that incoherent stuff to the previous post, so this is more... real. more solid, in case you find reading posts like my previous one nauseating and downright infuriating. grasping for straws you know you don't have. i know i would. hence the editing.

in short. i quit. i've resigned modship, and i won't in all likelihood be playing rs very much in the future. distant or otherwise.

take note? i'm only doing and saying it now because of recent developments. emphasis on the recent developments. or what you shall read would've remained there, not even articulated as thoughts.

looking back it's as if everything these past few months lead up to quitting. this post is for telling it as it is, putting down my thoughts as of november last year, before events responded to in the previous post. saying things you will likely understand, instead of be flummoxed by. so this mayn't seem reason enough to you, but when viewed in the context of aforementioned developments, to me, it is.

i accidentally trained mage on my skiller and raised the combat level i was so dedicated to keeping. i reached 777 total level on my main, a nice milestone of a number, by my standards. (academic) results weren't catastrophically bad, but still worse than they've ever been since secondary school.

plus i've been trying to keep off rs during weekdays for the last few months. and failing miserably at it.

i wouldn't have been able to quit if i'd tried. and that thought existed, but i wouldn't have considered just not playing if i hadn't been persuaded in a way only jagex could. and since they took the first step, i've been thinking.

if i want to go to grad school, i'll need a scholarship. i won't survive (and won't be allowed to stay) on a more or less minor scholarship like the one i'm on now. which i'm not actually in danger of losing, but it's not as if i wouldn't like to do marginally better. and while rs isn't exactly dragging me down, it's not helping much either.

so jagex offers a way out that leaves hardly any chance of me ever coming back to rs again once i've decided to leave it alone. y'see, f2p's an intensely boring place, and i didn't and don't become a member for fear of being even more addicted than i already am, which is already scaring me. i don't define myself as a mod, but that's the only thing that keeps me playing. i would be enormously relieved and a bit less stressed if i were not, but i would've quit sometime in april last year if i hadn't been modded.

conclusion: the best way to ensure i stay away is to be voluntarily demodded.

nothing new, that theory. but i've been running away from that action for almost half a year. as i write this, i'm trying to convince myself.

it's as if, you pour one to four years of your life into something, for me there was english, track, writing, skating, fanfic, and in a really different way, runescape. only lasting loves/obsessions - God, my religion. then in a sense, english, learning it, speaking it, getting to the point when i'm completely comfortable thinking and functioning in the language; and skating, because it's one of those things i can honestly say i'm passionate about.

other side, it's really sad when you put so much into something, and find you don't actually actively like it anymore, but you're just stuck with it. like track. and in a way, runescape. at the start it was addiction-stuck. then there's the queue mentality, after a while i didn't think about levels because past a point, consciously deciding to level in f2p is suicide, but i didn't want to let go. still don't wanna.

but i think, have been thinking i need to, and now i find i can. it's almost liberating.

this blog still lives for the time being, and i was thinking of letting it die when it does. because i may in name have said i quit, but it'll take longer to pull away, especially from my new skiller (complete waste). and i'll be blogging for some time yet. in the meantime, toodles. a two day break isn't long enough for two plane flights. happy lunar new year.

just for me to sort things out.

EDIT:

i logged in last week to find myself with one foot out of the door, and apparently put there by jagex. following a conversation i'm very glad i had when i did, i decided to move the other foot, too.

road to hell is paved with good intentions, that lead to things like overkill. and purely accidental betrayal of trust.

end of story.

- because i'm sorry, really i am, but i'm lousy with euphermisms, and i make for a sucky diplomat, and that's the best way i can say things.

quote of the week. "always tell the truth. that way you don't have to remember what you said."